What I Have Lost
by Seraphina Greene
Summary: Second Prequel to Behind the Mask. There was a tree in a backyard of a house in Danville, IL. Under that tree, Phineas Flynn patted at the dew-covered grass of where his step-brother used to sit every day. And remembered. And planned to leave to find him.


A/N: Yes, yes this is what you think it is. It's another PREQUEL! Hahahaha! Okay...the truth is that recording the song for Behind the Mask is taking forever, so I wanted to torture you all with more fabulousness!

What I Have Lost

It was a calm, warm summer afternoon in Danville, Illinois. They called it Eden, the people who lived there, and this place was sacred to them.

There was a tree in a backyard of a home that resided on the street of Maple Drive. This tree was famous to the children who lived in the house, on the street, in the city, and frankly, in all of Eden. For it was the tree that belonged to the two brothers.

Now this was a very old tree and it had seen many things. The passage of time around it was quite steady, and it even recalled the time when the house it resided behind was built, when it wasn't nearly as tall as it stood as of now.

But this tree represented more to those two brothers than to the children who lived on that street, in that city, and frankly, in all of Eden combined. For that tree held all their memories in its own. That tree was part of their journey towards each other.

But before that tree was a part of anything as special as that, it was simply their tree, in the backyard of the home they shared.

Phineas Flynn dropped to his knees to pet at the dew-covered grass at the base of the tree in his backyard. _His_ backyard now, for he was the only one who resided in the house anymore that paid it any attention. Candace was off with Jeremy now, a family of her own on the way to adding more members. And Ferb had vanished only a few short years ago. He was rubbing at the spot where his step-brother used to lean against the tree absent-mindedly, not even realizing what he was doing. Until none other than Isabella Garcia-Shapiro walked through the gate to meet him. "Hi, Phineas, wat'cha doin'?" she called sweetly to him, and then, seeing the look on his face, her smile slipped from her lips. "Phineas, please tell me you're not thinking about him anymore." She whispered quietly, glancing around her as if making sure that everyone else was watching. "He's gone now, you know that. We aren't supposed to think about him anymore. We're supposed to treat him like he's dead."

"If I am, I think I'm allowed some time to grieve the loss of my step-brother, Isabella." He said with a sigh, sitting back on his heels. Then he turned to lean against the tree, his hand not leaving the spot.

"Think of the future, Phineas. Think of all the excitement that awaits us." She tried to encourage him, worried by the distant look on his face.

He'd stopped his optimistic view on life only a month after Ferb had gone. He had no one to make him _want_ to be optimistic anymore. Since the day after Ferb was declared "missing", there were no more inventions, no more ideas. No more "Hey Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today!" Just a weak mutter of, "Hey, where's Perry?" And then, several hours later, after doing virtually nothing all day, a quiet sigh of a comment, "Oh, there you are Perry. I missed you." After he'd left, there were no switching beds in the middle of the night, for there was not even another bed to visit. When they'd decided he'd abandoned them all and declared him dead, his family had been forced to throw out every last scrap of his life. Phineas had managed to squirrel away the last remaining bits he could. Nothing much, just a jar of peanut butter and his toolbox. Reduced to a snack food and an empty box. That's what his step-brother had become. A mere memory attached to items. And a tree.

"There's no excitement left for me, Isabella." He said quietly, after so much time that it shocked her that Phineas had answered at all; she was so sure that he hadn't heard her. "There's no future."

"_Yes_, there _is_," She insisted, settling down beside him, disturbing the ground where Ferb had always sat. Phineas winced, and looked away. He had reduced him to a part of disturbed grass on his lawn. And now even that was ruined. "Phineas Flynn, I will not have you moping like this. There is a world of possibilities. You know that, you yourself said it." And that was when she kissed him. Not on the cheek, as she had done so many times before, but on the lips.

It was then, in that moment, that he remembered. He thought not of her, not of a girl at all, but of Ferb, under this tree. The last day he could remember ever sharing this tree with him.

That look in his step-brother's eyes. It was full of so much desire and want. It had scared him. But now he understood.

_I want to go back to that day, so many years ago, under this tree. I want to look you in the eye as you look over at me, and I want to smile at you. I want you to whisper exactly what I want to hear, as I blush profusely at every naughty little thing you say. I want you to pull me into your arms, and then push me against this tree. I want you to take my lips with yours. I want to feel your tongue in my mouth. I want to hear you let out a surprised moan as I pull you closer. I want to let out a squeaky gasp as you latch your teeth onto my neck. I want to squirm as your hands find my hips. I want to let my head fall back as you make my skin flush. I want to feel you take control, hips grinding with mine, bodies awakening quickly, pulses racing. I want you to rip open my shirt, relish in my skin. I want to do the same with yours, fingers dancing everywhere. I want to toe off my shoes as I lean against this tree, and help you take off your belt as you help me with mine. I want you to forget about holding back, and thrust your hand inside my pants, pushing the cotton of my boxers aside and taking me gently into your grip. I want the sounds that come out of my mouth to be intelligible, indistinguishable to the human ear. I want to pull at your pants as you manage to toe off your own shoes, socks coming off along with mine as we rock together meaninglessly. I want your pants and boxers off and away, paying attention enough to remove my own as we embrace each other, skin against skin and nothing else. I want to pull you up against me, up against this tree. I want you to wet your fingers in my mouth, slide down my form, and open my legs. I want you to prep my body against this tree, using your lips, your tongue, your teeth, and your fingers until I am moaning, begging, pleading for you to just take me, to just simply take me over the edge. I want you to slide inside of me, careful on my first time, and when I am ready, when I have taken all of you inside, I want you to hoist my legs around your waist and take me against this tree, this tree that is yours as much as it is mine. I want you to love me, love me like you never have loved another as you relish the blissful looks on my face as I relish the glorious looks on yours, moving as one. I want to watch you give me that look, the one that tells me, "Go on, Phineas. I know you want to." And want to follow your command. I want to fall over the edge screaming. I want to fall over the edge screaming your name, fall back into you. I want you to slump against this tree, and let me fall into your arms._

_But I want what I have lost._

And then Phineas came back to reality. He gave her a terrified look. And then he ran inside. Tears streaming down his face. Because he knew what had to happen next.

He would have to marry Isabella.

Because she had kissed him, they would have to be married. Or he would have to reject her. Leaving her no choice but to have a hurried, unplanned marriage to someone else, or make her leave. But this was her problem now. She was the one who had chosen to kiss him. And it was quite clear that he was in love with someone else.

So when the news came around that they had kissed, Phineas didn't deny it. But he denied the wedding proposal. Not two months later, Isabella had gone "missing" as well.

It was a calm, warm summer afternoon in Danville, Illinois. There was a tree in a backyard of a home that resided on the street of Maple Drive, and under that tree, petting at the ground beneath it, Phineas then plotted his own plan to disappear. Soon, he would leave with Buford, who had been looking for Baljeet. Apparently someone else they loved had been lost in the fold, caught in the terrible struggles of an arranged marriage and a girl he could never love. And a boy he would love forever.

Even if he was one that he had lost.


End file.
